Sarah I recently got the chance to take a solo trip to Asheville, NC, piggybacking onto a weekend trip my husband and I had planned to introduce our kids to skiing in the North Carolina mountains (see here for my Asheville weekend itinerary and recommendations, and here for our North Carolina skiing adventure). After working out the details of the skiing trip, I realized that if I left a little earlier than the rest of my crew, I could spend 36 kid-free hours exploring Asheville, a city I hadn’t visited since I was a small child.
Was I hesitant to take the leap on a solo trip? Definitely! It’s been several years since I did any traveling on my own, and with age comes wisdom, but also fear. I am more worried now about what misfortune could befall a female solo traveler than I used to be. I suppose I’ve listened to too many true crime podcasts. But, this trip seemed like a great opportunity to strike out on my own, with the training wheels still on. I had the safety net of knowing my family would be joining me in a day and a half. Plus, with Asheville only a few hours drive from my home, I knew that if I had a terrible time or just got too scared to leave my hotel room, I could get in the car and go.
I did have a niggling concern about what people would think if they found out I purposely traveled alone. After all, why would a married woman with two kids want to go somewhere without the rest of her family? Doesn’t she need the company? Does she not like spending time with her kids or her husband? Why would she ever want to travel by herself? What would she do about sightseeing alone, and however could she eat in a restaurant without a companion? Just writing out these questions makes me LOL. It is amazing how today’s societal norms are still so old-fashioned when you really think about them.
Any married woman with children knows that alone time is a rare commodity, to be cherished and protected at all costs. Something that doesn’t hit you until the baby is actually in your arms, is that you LITERALLY WILL NOT BE ALONE AGAIN FOR SEVERAL YEARS. I also am aware that “these years are fleeting” and “they go by so quickly and then they’re gone.” Yes, I know this ok? And I love my children with all my heart, and want to share as many experiences as I can with them. But when they are all grown up, and I am alone in my house regularly, I will be old. I want to enjoy my time now, while all my joints still work and I don’t need bifocals.
Finally, one lesson I’ve learned over the years is that I never regret taking the opportunity to travel, no matter what the circumstances. I can’t think of one trip I’ve taken where afterwards I thought “meh, wish I’d stayed home”. Taking all of this into consideration, I went for it, booked a hotel, and told my husband of my plans. (He is very supportive, by the way.) And I am happy to report that not only did I NOT sit in my hotel room paralyzed with fear or drive home with my tail between my legs, but I explored the city, ate and drank on my own, enjoyed every minute, and have even booked another solo trip for this month. Married ladies with kids can enjoy solo travel too, so if you’re in my boat, join me in exploring alone out there!
My tips for traveling solo:
- Know where you’re staying in advance. I’m all for spontaneity and going with the flow, but having already reserved your overnight plans just makes the trip easier and less stressful as a solo traveler. This way, you know that at the very least you’ve got a place to relax. Bonus points if the place allows for early check-in or lets you store your luggage so that you can start exploring immediately upon arriving.
- Let someone know where you’re going each day, and for extra assurance, safety text. It used to annoy me to no end that growing up, my parents needed to know where I was at all times, and it was a breath of fresh air when I got to college and didn’t have to tell anyone anything anymore. However, now I am a parent, and I realize the stupidity of total isolation! If someone knows where you are, you are much more easily located should you run into any trouble. But I don’t usually tell my husband my itinerary for the whole day, or constantly share my location via my phone GPS, because that would be burdensome for him and for me. Instead, I give hime a general idea of where I’ll be that day, and whenever the thought occurs to him, he texts “safety check” and I respond. My response can be a single emoji—I don’t have to elaborate—but he knows I’m ok. Now, if I was doing backcountry hiking alone, I might share my location continuously. Decide what is appropriate for your situation.
- Have a general idea of what you will see and do, but leave room for changing plans. This is common sense, but it’s good to have a basic idea of what you want to experience while you’re on your trip. Pick out three to five highlights that are can’t-miss for you, and plan around that. Sometimes doing a bunch of research is burdensome…that’s where I come in! Hopefully you can find some resources on my blog, Instagram, YouTube, and Pinterest if you’re looking for recommendations on where to go and what to do.
- Walk around first to get the lay of the land. Shameless plug for my audio tours here! Honestly, discovering the history, cool facts, and hidden stories of a new-to-me place is my favorite thing to do, and sharing it with others in a simple 1-2 hour walking format is the reason behind the whole Earbud Travel venture. If I don’t have an audio tour about your destination yet, suggest it to me! I’m constantly adding them and would love to honor your request. Audio tour aside, checking out a street map and taking a brief stroll is the best way to get a feel for a place, and maybe discover a few more things to add to your must-do list.
- Book a tour or two, but don’t stress if you bail. When I go to a new city, I always think it’s fun to see if they have any tours already arranged of historic homes, museums, or any other notable destinations. I also like to do ghost tours—they are always schlocky, but fun, and give you a different view of the city at dusk or nighttime. Hearing some of the legends of a place can expose the seedy underbelly along with the history, so in my opinion you can get a good sense of the essence of the town, not just what the tourist board wants you to see.
- Check online sources for food and drink recommendations, but don’t get into the weeds with it. I know people who can spend hours on this stuff, pouring over menus and agonizing over where to eat the next meal. I like to try the best burger or beer in town as much as the next girl, but I can’t spend that much energy on where I’m going to eat. My rule of thumb is doing a quick google map search to see what pops up, then looking at pictures of food and atmosphere to get an impression of the place, and if it looks appealing to me and the reviews aren’t miserable, checking it out. It is perfectly acceptable to arrive in a space and decide it isn’t for you before you order. It’s also ok to ask what the most popular dish or drink is and try that.
- Listen to yourself and always do what you want. Maybe you get to a spot and it isn’t what you thought it would be. Maybe you didn’t get any rest on the flight, and you had planned to hit the town immediately, but you’re exhausted. Maybe you’re a completist and you have an uncontrollable urge to do every little thing you planned. I feel your pain! It has been ingrained in me from birth that I should follow through on my commitments, and the torturous need to be responsible even if it means putting my own desires last bleeds over, even to plans I’ve made for myself. I am still working on unclenching and listening to my heart and my gut. I am learning, and I hope you will too, that I have a much better time when I do exactly what I want to do, even if it wasn’t what I expected. So skip the museum and sit in the picturesque cafe a little longer! It might be the part of the trip that you will remember forever.
- But don’t drink too much. Go forth and have the glass of wine! Hang out in the cafe, or bar, or brewery, to your heart’s content. I applaud you! But avoid that last drink. Linger if you want, just leave a bigger tip for the server’s trouble instead. The last thing you need is to be trying to get back to your accommodations in an unfamiliar place with too much of a buzz. Your evening can quickly turn from awesome to frightening, even if it’s just paranoia you’re feeling because of your increased vulnerability. It might be one (or two or three) less drinks than you are thirsty for, but you will thank yourself when you get home safe that night, and when you don’t have a headache in the morning.
- Be aware of your surroundings. Anyone who has lived in a city before will tell you this is standard operating practice. Notice your surroundings, notice the people around you, and don’t have your head buried in your phone. Walk confidently if you are lost in a sketchy area, until you find an area that is more well-lit or feels safer to you. Be alert—someone who is looking for an easy mark is less likely to choose the person who can describe them well to police.
- If you’re concerned, it’s not a bad idea to carry a whistle and/or pepper spray. If you have easy access to an object of self-defense, like a whistle or pepper spray, you can be that much more confident that you can handle anything that comes your way. Don’t be embarrassed about it. Better safe than sorry, right?
And last, besides these tips on how to make sure your solo trip is stress-free, my most important tip of all is JUST DO IT! If you’ve want to try it, get out there and explore. You don’t have to wait for your husband to agree to take you somewhere he’s not excited about, or your best friend’s schedule to line up with your own, or your college friends to stop having babies for a second so you can finally all get together. Once you go solo traveling, and realize that you can do whatever you want with no regard for anyone’s desires but your own, you will be hooked. I can’t wait to hear about your adventures—drop me a line below and tell me about them!
xoxo
S
